Partyquette: Mind and Matter

So my laptop has been returned and it appears to be working smoothly. I've been hungrily back tracking through my google reader and I found a couple of very interesting finds that I wanted to share.

First, this article about misinformation. If you've ever worked in an office, you've probably gotten some spammy emails from a co-worker regarding some made-up "PSA". Pretty annoying. Well maybe you can "spam" this article to everyone in the office as a not so subtle hint hint. My next find was again on lifehacker. The article is about reclaiming your self-respect. I really enjoy the comment section on lifehacker so after skimming over the article I came to this comment:

Sounds like something Dr. Seuss once said: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

I was ready and rearing to tweet this quote but the previous misinformation article must have subliminally guided me to search the quote on google and low-and-behold:

Misattributed

Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

Bernard Baruch in response to a question by Igor Cassini as to how he handled the seating arrangements at his dinner parties, as quoted in Shake Well Before Using: A New Collection of Impressions and Anecdotes Mostly Humorous (1948) by Bennett Cerf, p. 249; the full response was "I never bother about that. Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." This anecdote is also quoted online at Chiasmus.com. It has also become part of a larger expression, which has been commonly attributed to Dr. Seuss, even in print, but without citation of a specific work: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

The quote by Bernard Baruch (presidential adviser to FDR) is a great quote and he deserves credit. It is especially relevant here because it is about seating arrangements at a party. I tend to agree with Bernard; seating arrangement is not necessary. So let is be known

Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

And if you want, you can apply the same thinking when trying to decide if you should speak your mind, show your emotions or dance on the dance floor.

Partyquette

I realized I have not talked about partyquette in awhile! Recently, I got my hands on a great collection of party do's and dont's from a wonderful House Beautiful article. House Beautiful might be my next subscription, it's choke full of of great home tips and other great tips like the ones I'm going to talk about. I thought it would be fun to highlight some of the comments and throw in my two cents.

"Don't try a new recipe at a party."

—Tricia Foley, designer/author

DISAGREE. I say go for it but my suggestion is try a a new side dish, hors d'oeuvre and/or recipe. The stakes are smaller. I'm not a "cook-a-fun-dish-everyday" girl so I don't have many dishes under my belt. I think a party is a great time to slip a new recipe in because honestly if the drinks are flowing and the tunes are pumping people aren't going to shame you for a "miss" recipe.

"Flowers are overused as centerpieces. Use seasonal fruit, a tureen, or an interesting sculptural centerpiece instead."

—Christopher Spitzmiller, ceramic designer

I thinking doing something outside the usual is always invigorating and intriguing. I also think edible centerpieces are fun and functional. Also keep in mind you could reuse some of your home decor to use as a centerpiece as well. And if you do decide to get something new, my only suggestion is to try to buy something you can later incorporate into your home.

"Don't use plastic."

—Jennifer Rubell, artist/writer

Another off base one. This one is pretty eye-roll inducing if you ask me. Also this is quite the bourgeois attitude that says there aren't respectable looking plastic wares that are appropriate for a party. I think clear hard plastic can fit subtly and "unoffensively" into any party. China does give you the opportunity to dress up the table a bit more than some of the limited selection of plastic-wares in the store but many parties do not require an air of lofty elegance.

"I discovered early on that the best parties involve a certain amount of serendipity. I try not to have everything done when the guests arrive so that people can pitch in and help in the kitchen. It's a great ice-breaker."

—Ruth Reichl, author/former editor, Gourmet magazine

I love this attitude because I think it lends itself to the host also enjoying the party. Try to relax and enjoy. I have the great fortune of having an awesome cooking partner that will handle most (if not all) of the food which is a huge part of the battle. Don't be too proud to ask someone who is better at a certain area to help whether it be with the food, decor, drinks, and/or invitations. And be sure to share the praise with that person. Sure it is great to get all the attention for throwing a great party but it's not nearly as great as being able to enjoy the party and your friends.

Strength in Low Numbers

TIPS FOR PARTIES WITH LESS THAN TEN GUESTS 

I thought I would talk about a rampant misconception about parties which states that a party is only a party if there are double digit attendees. Any less and your event is called a dinner party, gathering, a hangout... basically it's called something that is lesser than the party it deserves to be called. Well, I'm here to debunk that and for those of you hesitant to call your event a party if you have less than 10 guests, I'm here to say hesitate no more! If you can have a party of two you can have a party of five, am I right? I kid, but seriously there are a few ways to have a rowdy and rousing party with less than 10 people.

Pump Up the Jams

I've had the unfortunate experience of attending several parties with no music. A big no-no especially if there are less than 10 folks in the room. With a small group, a lot of conversation gets crossed and shared throughout the evening. More often than not, you'll find all the people sitting closely together listening to one conversation and as soon as that conversation tapers off the inevitable sound of transitional silence falls upon the party. And sweet lady music should be playing to fill the void.   

{Recommendation} Have the music playing just loud enough to force guests to raise their voices slightly, play something beyond radio hits, nostalgic tunes are a safe bet and if you don't have time to create a playlist, use several movie soundtracks. Sidenote: my personal goal is to have the night end in dancing.

Put Guests to Work

This probably seems rude to have your guests work to plan the party you are hosting but if you give small tasks to a couple of guests it gives them stake in the party which gives them a small sense of pride when you start partying. It also gives you the opportunity to gush over their participation. Who doesn't like to be gushed over!

{Recommendation} Have them help with a dessert, party decor, the playlist; stay away from having them do things that people can't see or compliment, i.e. heavy lifting.

Food, Food and More Food

Do not skimp on the food. I repeat do NOT skimp on the food. A huge spread screams party and for those guests who may have written your "party" off because of the low numbers, a large amount and assortment of food will make their party sense tingle.  Also you will be surprised at how often people will go back and nibble all throughout the night.

{Recommendation} Keep the food in a separate area away from the hang-out area; guests should have to get up and travel to get it, which will keep people active and moving.

Group Games

A single digit guest count gives you the opportunity to play games. Games force people to participate, converse with each other and let their guard down. It is also a great time for people to relax, snack and have a couple drinks. I've been to parties where it seems like it's all about meeting new people and getting to know people. With such a small group, there's a good chance that most of the guests know each other or, at the very least, know of each other. So a game takes the "getting to know you" pressure off and lets people unwind and get absorbed by the fun.

{Recommendation} Choose games in which teams can be formed and that are easy to explain. Taboo and Guesstures are good group games. I discourage games like Mafia, Apples to Apples, Video games. These games require no teams, no movement and specific taste (I'm looking at you video games).

...

In short...send out your invites, hype the event and call it a party. Don't inform the guests that it's "no big deal" or tell them it's just "a small thing". It's a big thing, it's your party and you'll cry have under 10 people if you want to!

Take a break from St. Patrick's Day

I feel like I've been celebrating St. Patrick's Day for weeks now! During my party I used The Smiths as a segue out the Irish stuff and right now I need a segue out of talking or thinking about St. Paddy's Day. So please enjoy The Smiths, they are not Irish and I'm not going to pretend to be cool and say that I've always liked/known them. I heard this song during the Extras Christmas Special. So now you know. I'm totally not in the scene.